Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My thoughts on The Mommy Wars

/Steps on soapbox

I've always known about The Mommy Wars - that back-and-forth among mommies, whose way is better, what you "should" be doing, etc. Now that I am a Mommy myself, I, of course, see it even more. It's on the forums, in the blog posts, on Facebook, and Twitter. I have two words for all of us. Stop It!

What happened to agreeing to disagree? Who ever said there was only one way to be a parent? This past year, at work, I've often found myself saying, "There are many right ways. We are choosing this particular right way." I have now taken on that mantra for parenting.

There are many right ways to parent. My way is not the only right way. And your way is not wrong. We all struggle with making the best decisions for our little ones and I firmly believe we will be better parents, and people, if we stop accusing other people of doing something wrong and instead concentrate on what we can do right.

I think I see it a lot because I am an advocate of two things that bring up hot feelings among mommies: Breastfeeding and Cloth Diapering. I believe we can advocate for those things that we believe in without belittling other women. I'm not going to stop telling people about the benefits of breastfeeding, for both mommy and baby, but I will not condemn you for not breastfeeding. I do believe cloth diapers are better for the environment, my baby, and my wallet, and I will be happy to tell you about it, but I do not think you are harming your child if you do not use cloth diapers.

So I ask the same kindness in return. If you truly believe what you are doing is right, there is no need for defensiveness, only knowledge-sharing.

I am not perfect. I know that I am sometimes quick to judge, but I continue to work on that because I truly believe we are all better off when we accept each other, rather than attack each other.

I know this sounds rosy-eyed, but if each of us chooses to accept that there is more than one right way, don't you think we can begin to end The Mommy Wars?

/steps off soapbox

1 comment:

Tina said...

Amen and well put!! I was just complaining about this today after getting dirty looks from a mom at a cloth diapering meet up today. Apparently I'm not natural enough for her. I don't understand why we can't just support each other with whatever our paths may be. Motherhood is hard enough without have us pitted against each other.